Leadership Kentucky - 1993
Cincinnati Bell Training Center - Erlanger, Kentucky
October 8, 1993
There are six basic principles, six core concepts for good communication skills.
Six Core Principles
It's those simple, basic questions you must ask which become the "organizing principles" of any endeavor. For example. what business are you really in? You must go to the marketplace for that answer. Ask your customer. Your audience. Let your "user" tell you what they want... and how. You must "play the communication game from the other side of the table." If you tell/give information the way you're comfortable, you're going to lose.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
2.People will support what they help to create.
People need ownership and early involvement. The more you invest in something, the more you want a good outcome. Broad grassroots support will make up for meager resources. That requires a great deal of early interpersonal effort. While that may not be "efficient" in terms of the time and effort it requires, it's the only thing that works! Empowerment and real leadership means involvement. It may also mean the loss of a measure of control--your personal control of an effort or situation.
3.Everything you do or don't do communicates something.
Your voice. Your body. Your words. Your touch, eye contact--even what you wear. The way you arrange the tables and where you sit. It's all part of your communications. Also bear in mind that the further you are from a process the more likely you are to be mis-read by others. Make maximum use of non-verbal cues and "speech." And when you have a dull subject to deliver enliven it with even more--and better--non-verbal support for your words. There's a new "science" called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It involves studying how your full range of communications skills affect others. Study others as you speak and adapt your message and delivery until you're sure you're actually getting through.
4.The message is the message received.
Ask your listener(s) for feedback. Check in often with your receivers to see what they got from your communication--or attempted communication. When someone misunderstands you it's your responsibility and problem, not theirs! So "check in" often to see what your receivers actually got out of the session/meeting with you.
5."You are the message." (You are the message, says Roger Ayles (President Bush's media consultant)--from his book by that name.
The message "flies" or not depending on who the messenger is! If you're not likeable, it's hard for the receiver to "swallow" your message. "It's you and what you do that builds trust over time." So you must bring yourself to your presentation!
6.Feedback and rehearsal are key to being a better communicator.
Keep asking for feedback. Remember "Communication" is the response you get!" Rehearse. Just like an actor or musician, you'll only be as good as the amount of practice you put into it. Do "dress rehearsals."Don't just "mind-map"it. Actually place yourself in that situation--like in a real dress rehearsal-- and do it. Over and over if necessary until you feel natural. Good communication is exactly the same as the sports and acting models. You're giving a performance.
John Paxson of the Chicago Bulls hit a game-winning three-pointer in the 1993 NBA championship series with three seconds remaining in a game in Phoenix. Asked how he could do that with such ease and calm, Paxson said, "Actually, that was about the one-millionth ball I've tossed since the eighth grade."
People behave as they are trained. "Communication is not cerebral."If you think you've worked on a presentation just because you've researched it and through it through, you haven't. Not in real terms. Just "mind-mapping" is not a rehearsal. Rehearse and get feedback. Then do it again. And again. I use video and study the playback. I take risks. I seek feedback. I fall face-forward, learn from my mistakes, then get up and go ahead. Most of us just work to "screw up our courage." I did that too. Then I finally got training.
If I'm "low energy," you will be too. But if I'm "high"and spontaneous in my communication with you, you will be high energy and spontaneous also.
Who in your organization drives you crazy? (Some responses: prima donnas, the unorganized, those who are jealous of the doers but wouldn't do anything themselves, "leftfielders," the negative and moody who are "always a victim", the insecure.)
According to surveys, men celebrate the hero; women do not. Women, it's said, tend to take the position that they must all rise together or fall together. They are hesitant to put, symbolically, any one of their sisters "on their shoulders" and parade them around as men do. Men traditionally have quite a different outlook--many believe it comes from their culturation in team sports. For them, each position is valued and when one excels or rises to "hero" status they quite comfortably lift him up as an example of achievement and celebrate him, knowing that the same honor will be accorded each of them as fate decrees.
Deborah Tannen addresses these types of gender differences in her wonderful book, You Just Don't Understand. She says women are culturated in the "socialization model." Men are culturated in the "one up, one down model."We have many gender and style differences that bear on how we communicate with each other.
[At this point the seminar participants took a personal inventory of their communication style, using the "Do You Speak My Language" instrument.]
Communications Styles Survey
This instrument is based on the work of psychologist Carl Jung. It purports to tell us our preferred communication style. Actually, the "styles" are the respective temperaments which dispose us to one preferred system or approach versus another. (This instrument differs from the Myers-Briggs Type Indication [MBTI] which predicts or reveals our behavioral orientation.)
The communication styles within the total population break down generally is as follows:
35% - Sensors 25%25% - Feelers
5% - "Adaptive"-- with all four styles within 5 points.
So let's take a look at those styles.
They relate to the future; they're "out there." (Some think of them as "spacy," detached.) They value indirect terms of communication. For them, "a small experience of (exposure to) something is the experience." Their vision is "out there;" they are not anchored in the room. They work from an internal vision. Theirs is a "right-brain"style."They glide around, get a global picture, then zoom in."
You may criticize them, but don't criticize their ideas or strategy-- which they take quite personally. The Intuitor typically is not good in "left brain" activities. Give them lots of time to "mind-map"things. "They have to see it to get it
Thinkers:Thinkers are stable, logical, sequential, thorough. And boring! They are analytical "left-brain"people. They like to do things slowly: gather information or whatever they need, organize, systematize. They are cautious and wary: "Prove it. Show me the data."They generally have a low affective type of communication (the way men are typically socialized--so this style is more prevalent among men.) "They never make an assumptive leap unless they can back it up with their data."
Don't push them. They have to have time to be thorough. They don't take anything on face value: "they test it, work with it, and put it in their style. They have the facts. They think that counts. They don't realize that you can have a lot of facts, but still not have the truth." Again, more men are in the Thinker model, but they are socialized this way.
The rhythm of the Thinker is steady, reliable, consistent. In truth, they ar really neither fast or slow--just logical. And rational. And "negative most of the time."Thinkers have a "retentive style:" they retain patterns and come slowly into change.
Feelers:A Feeler believes he's been "right" enough that he's not going to change. They are good in politics. They are good with connections, consensus-building, and liaison work.
The Feeler relates to the past. They're experimental. They are traditionalists. They like things "the way they were"--unless they can see some things that's clearly better.
The Feeler's rhythm is moody. They like to be "insightful," not intellectual or smart. These persons are bridge builders and as a result they often ? get walked on. They get passionately involved in things. They take things seriously and personally. They can be very volatile.
Sensors.Sensors are extremely bottom-line oriented. So they're probably wondering. ? What does all this have to do with me?
Their rhythm is always on a dead run until they hit the wall and collapse. They are driven, focused, competitive. Sensors usually get along well with Thinkers but not their ? opposites, the Intuitors.
Sensors are doers. They're always doing. They believe in momentum. Our business culture has a ? sensor orientation. The highest U. S. award for business excellence is the Malcolm Baldridge Award. It's an award for ?measured excellence usually over the short term. And what generally happens to all those award winners after they win the awards: they collapse or fall dramatically in performance their goals and sights are set so short.)
[On the other hand, if Japan gave such as award it might be called the ? W. Edwards Deming Award. Japan being strongly oriented to an ? Intuitor approach, it would be given for ? continuous excellence, (Kaizen) over the long term.]
Sensors are the implementors. They're always on ? high idle.
Adaptive.The fifth style is what I call Adaptive. It occurs when all four of the actual communication styles score out within five points of each other. These persons can comfortably use any/either style and they may look ? wishy-washy to others. The legitimate Adaptive group comprises only 5% of the population.
Communication Style(s) Under Stress. The instrument renders one's natural preferred communication style the style one uses under normal or favorable conditions. It also defines the style(s) used under stress may be quite a different than ones natural style. Or one who uses a number of styles under normal conditions may revert to one particular style under pressure.
If the variance in ones ? normal style changes by five points or more in the ? stress section the following responses may be expected:
Other Communication Points
Non-verbal Tools. How much of your communication impact do you think comes from your words? Studies say the following:
Of course, it's usually a little more complicated than that because most people are combination styles, such as ? Intuitor-Thinker, for example. When this particular combination style's scores change by five points or more in either style let's say for example his Intuitor score diminishes by five points and he becomes a Thinker under stress that person is much more likely to bolt into action, not become detached as is the case for a ? pure Intuitor or become wary as would a pure Thinker.
| Face-to-Face Communication | Telephone-Radio Speaking | |
Your voice cues include tone, level, pitch, speed, and many more facets. Your body's ? message comes from touch, eye contact, posture, and so forth. Studies also say that tall white males inherently have more power in our society when they speak. So if you have few or none of these factors going for you, you must bring compensatory factors to bear. Your body, appearance, demeanor and everything—you are a delivery system for your words. Use all the resources you do have to add impact to your words. such things as: attitude, expression, voice modulation and pace, gestures, and so much more.
Listening. Really listen to your receiver(s). Are they getting the message you think you're sending? Get feedback. Listen for anything that's different from what you think you're sending from what you're thinking.
Exhale as you speak or converse. And as you exhale slowly! just stop and think! Are you ? talking or are you communicating?
Motivation. Nothing motivates people.. Nothing. Motivation comes out of one's own value system. People have to motivate themselves. And they do! It just may not be the same direction you desire.